I don't know why I actually put this task up, but let's see what you can come up with :)
So, the task is to do your worst and come up with jokes related to Moon Nazis. Like the "how many Moon Nazis does it take to change a light bulb", "your mama's so fat...", "knock knock who's there" etc.
Or some really good ones :)
The stage is yours, the audience is easy one, so go ahead and try your comedy skills!
An American soldier is captured by the Space Nazis and they take him to (insert leader of space fleet). The leader says to the POW,
“We do things differently here in space. I’m going to give you two choices. First, I simply shoot you. Second, I give you a series of three tests,”
The American begrudgingly agrees.
“Alright then,” says the commander, “First, in that room next to you (points to a door), there are six, as you Americans call them, six-packs of Mondbräu Beer. You must drink all the beer. Secondly, in the room next to the first, there is a lion with a toothache. You must remove the tooth. Third, in the room next to the second, there is a woman who has never been sexually satisfied in her life. She must leave the room after you are through and say, ‘Wow that was GREAT!’”
The American agreed and entered the first room. One hour later, he emerged stone drunk. The German soldiers had to push him into the second room. Thirty seconds later, a thunderous roar was heard by all the Nazis. The roar crescendoed and crescendoed for two whole minutes, after which it abruptly stopped. The following minute, the American emerged, smoking a cigarette. He stumbled to the commander and said, in a slurred voice,
“Okay, where’s the Bitch with the toothache?”
Allo Allo is apparently aviable everywere exept in Germany as it is illegal there to show swastnikas or hitler salutes. Even so, i know germans who have seen it and liked it.
some excrepts:
"Sie haben etwas verloren - GESCHWINDIGKEIT!!"
-you lost something - SPEED!
"Laufen sie oder sie WERDEN GELAUFEN, und zwar von MIR!"
-run or you will be run, by me!
"Tür zu! Wir heizen hier nicht für die Luftwaffe!"
-close the door, we're not heating for the airforce!
"Ein deutscher Soldar friert nicht, er zittert höchstens vor Wut, dass es nicht noch kälter ist!"
-a German soldier doesn't freeze, only shiver with anger because it isn't colder!
"Määäna ich kann Zaubern--Ich kann machen das sie alle gleich aussehen---ABC-ALARM"
-Men! I'm a magician--I can make it so that you all look the same---GAS, GAS, GAS!
And here is something along those lines that you might actually be able to use:
Ein Ziel steht im Gelaende (a target is standing in the area)
ganz still und stumm
Das sieht ein Heckenschuetze (a sniper sees this)
und schiesst es um. (and shoots it)
Was hat sich das Ziel gedacht? (what did the target think?)
Stand im freien, ohne acht? (standing in the open without care?)
Pruef die Kammer, lade nach, (check the chamber, reload)
Deutsche Schuetzen die sind zach! (German snipers are tough)
-I know, the ending is not very smooth... first try.
Officer #1: So where did all the Jews we brought to the moon go? I hardly see any these days.
Officer#2: We packed them up and sent them into Uranus!
............................................................................................................
Pilot to Uranus #1: We need more speed, hit the Juice!!
Pilot to Uranus #2: (turns to hit Jew servant)
Pilot to Uranus #1: No you idiot, hit the Juice!! Not the Jews!! The Juice!!
......................................................................................................
Officer #1: So what happened to the Uranus pilots?
Officer #2: Well, they dropped of their cargo and came home. Then they took a nice hot shower, ate some brats and proceeded to fuck your mom.
........................................................................................................
Space Nazi #1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Space Nazi #2: this is easy dummy, to get to the other side!
Space Nazi # 1: No, that is not why! It was to fuck your mother!! Ha!!
............................................................................................................
Agreed, I don't know much about your production yet. But as an observer of sorts (a friend of mine thought I might like this movie) I can say that those lines didn't feel right. Perhaps the "hit the jews/juice" was a bit cute though.
Keep on working peps, I'll be with you later on!
you are right these are lame ones. nazi officers never would fuck around with themself like this. if you realy want to see got nazi officer humor
take Christoph Waltz as Hans Landa in Inglorius basterds.
Nazi humor is realy subtil and aggressive. Not childish. You have to think off an insane mind which believes it's god itself and destroy those unworthy races in an blink of an eye. they do this war for war itself. not to conquer the world. thats a positive sideeffect. Nazis want to burn the world so theire new race of superhumans can raise from the ashes of our countries, our cities and at least our selfs.
If you want to get an idea how such an insane mind work i would comment you to watch the 3,4 or 5 episode of the "Hellsing OVA". I know its an anime but they line out the believings of the nazi culture very well.
Also... "Terratics" sounds better than "Earthatics" or "Gaiatics" w/e.
True we need a giant like JAWS that would be awesome. I have an African American friend who is 7'2" would he work? Remember how many Nazi's by the end of the war who were not German... There were more non-Aryan Nazi's than Aryan Nazi's...
"Dark side of the Moon" no no no... dummie, the moon has a cycle there is no dark side of the moon! They just have to collect all the energy they need in the 2 weeks of light before they have 2 weeks of dark.
I would like to see the Nazis strike back by singing or playing from the loudspeakers the good old Colonel Bogey March but with different lyrics.
Instead of the classic "Hitler has only got one ball" -lyrics something about the moon, here's my quick shot at it:
"Hitler/Nazis has only got one moon
Ruskies were here but they left soon
Armstrong did not stay too long
and so the Yankees have no moons at all"
That ruskies -line could be changed but on the other hand, it's good to have it there and before Neil Armstrong, makes people think.
Another joke could be made about Armstrong's roots. Someone could say "did you know that Neil Armstrong was actually partly irish/scottish and partly german? I wonder which one of those walked first on the moon". And of course there would be a nazi nearby saying "we did!"
Sami, perhaps this is exactly the kind of social technique that MooNazis might use to prepare for blitzkrieg techniques such as sucker punches and gut busters while among the English.
Sami, another possibility is to cut the person off before they sing the crucial word, and then perhaps suggest the word in the scene after that.
For example:
British Sergeant: (whistles tune for a while, then starts singing) "Hitler... has - only - got - one..."
British Officer: (cutting off sergeant) "Sergeant what's the latest status report?"
(Cut to a totally different location where there are people playing football)
Not sure if this kind of gag would fit the theme of the movie, but anyways:
How about if they didn't sing it? Possibly they would apear to be singing it but would stop doing it when they were "in camera" and after a momentary pause they would carry on whistling. Reason for this would be that makers of the movie were afraid of getting higher rating due foul language (not sure how this would be done). Maybe in the next scene there would be lots of swearing.
...or alternatively just have some of the anglo-saxon (i.e. UK, USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand etc) members of the Earth alliance whistle the tune. People who know it will fill in the blanks, people who don't know it will think they're just whistling.
Yes, I was thinking about Colonel Bogey too, I was going to suggest it if you hadn't.
It's a VERY famous war song for people in English-speaking countries. I don't think you'd need any licence to use it as the music is from 1914 and the lyrics are "traditional". The music was originally composed by a British officer in the First World War, but obviously the dirty lyrics about Hitler were added by soldiers in the Second World War.
Because the words were spontaneously invented by soldiers, there are no official lyrics as such. There must be dozens of variations on common themes, usually beginning "Hitler has only got one ball" but often going into totally different directions. It might be best just to ignore the old lyrics and invent totally new lyrics for Iron Sky, to suit the Moon Nazi plot.
I was going to suggest that any British characters that appear in the film should sing this on whatever spaceship they use for fighting the Nazi invasion. Maybe the character who sings it could ask for help with the lyrics from some elderly veteran of WW2, perhaps their grandfather?
(Trivia Note: Neil Armstrong's family came from a region between England and Scotland called the "Debatable Lands" because no one knew which country they belonged to. The lack of nationality meant there was no law enforcement, and the area was filled with feuding mafia-style family clans which stole each other's cattle and lived in small fortresses.)
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great stuff
That was excellent! Himmel Gott!
Yeah, us Yanks are pervs
:)