Grounding the Stick-

Touching on Stick's 'longest shot ever,'
I wonder if it wouldn't be amusing to spy on Pirk,
taking a new, sexy recruit on a personal tour of the Warp
Drives, only to hike from cavernous engineering room to
more cavernous engineering room, finding an abandoned
solitary engineer in each gigantic space, reporting that everything is performing perfectly...

Perhaps the engineers might stop Perk to show their loyalty and
love of the old slaughtering days by sharing snap/shots of their
war/chest etc. and other souvenirs.

Finally, just when Perk thinks his alone with the new female recruit,
a large propaganda film begins rolling because it is

PIRK'S SURPRISE BIRTHDAY!!!!

A dialogue between two people

Face to face about the events that are about to happen as they have been on the news recently, on the style of the dialogues of british comedians Smith and Jones:

http://www.dr.dk/nyheder/?rss=true

That conversation I posted could work as the structure for the dialogue.

If not on the style of Smith and jones, it could be two guards in front of the hall of justice, while keeping guard, or in the space prison where the captain is spending his sentence.

Court session

The court awaits the entrance of Pirk so they can start the trial the time and place are shown at the superior right corner of the screen, something Like "New Pirkonia, 2012" or another date or place.

Pirk after some delay, enters pompously, dressed as a judge... ...with the classical toilet paper line sticking from his shoe sole, as he walks the small stair to the judge seat making all lugh untill he realises what is going on.

What of course makes him throw a small tantrum once again, not helping at all the mood towards the person about to be tried, when Pirk shouts out loud "Its all your fawlt!"

Then scene cuts, reopening showing the building of the new spaceship with the place and time on the superior side of the screen just like on the first scene.

Just an idea.

The Absurd's A Gas Bubble In The Ridiculous

Taking Timo H.M.'s latest call on Iron Sky for an Absurd ship... I wonder if the credits couldn't contextualize the little play of space violence within monstrously advanced aliens...

Like the Green Aliens watching the Simpsons...

For example, a flaming comet hurtles through space - it's actual a ship manned by a race of flaming aliens...

It misses 'Pirk-land,' 'Pirk-earth,' 'whatever,' much to the chagrin of the flaming aliens who must man battle stations for another hundred years...

We descend into the Pirkaction...

District 2pi?

I just saw District 9 in the theater and I thought is was brilliant. So why don't you start your film with a "home video" that a young P-Fleet Cadet has recorded for his family in the last days before he boards the Helvetica for his first mission. This is a good excuse to explain the history of P-Fleet and the Helvetica's construction to his (or her?) narrow-minded folks at home.

If the Cadet is a bit of a dumbass himself or if he's very excited, or has a funny accent (Schwarzenegger anyone?) - or ALL of the aforementioned, thinking about it - it could be really catchy and entertaining and draw the viewers into the story. Just like it happens in District 9, hehhe ;-)

Documentary idea

I'd love it if it was an actual documentary in stark contrast to the propaganda film in ItP. The narrator could call Pirk a "power-hungry tyrant", "megalomaniacal conqueror" and so on - paint him as an emotionless monster leading the world to disaster. The documentary would play up his evilness and make him a Hitler-esque figure instead of the selfish idiot he actually was. I could try to whip up something like that when I have more time...

Propagandary

Why not combine the documentary and the propaganda idea?

Existential Space - The Final Frontier

These are some 7pages of unformatted script. I wrote in English and included "" "" where I thought characters might actually end up talking in the language.

I tried using some of the themes that have been suggested and I added a few new possible characters like, 'Spook.' 'Butler' may serve as the young Pirk in training character that was suggested...

The narrative suggests the intro idea as a theme; please pardon my enthusiasm.

Thanks-

---

P1.

A cute white man drives an antique car through green fields and golden roads.
We take a seat by him to admire the wind swept smile on his face.
He waves and begins talking to us.

Tim Rider: “” Hi. Now this is a preview. It’s a personal warning to acclimate you to the awesome experience you are about to undergo. The World Smashing Box Office Records prove that the economy is great. That our world is great. That Cinema is great. That Cinema is green. I mean: there’s never been a better time to see a movie – 100 bucks to catch the truth? Come on. Come on! Yeah! You know, I’m on my way to thaw out my pa right now because life don’t get no better than any of this – film is dead – movies finally reign! I know the kids in your inner kids just want that emotional gutwretching truth that your total access news sources just can’t handle. You know just why they can’t… because they just show how the world sucks. Our cinema shows you why it always will. Pay attention. 3-D changes the world. Sit back: you won’t ever come back. “”

Tim chuckles and presses on the accelerator.

Tim: “”Hang on pa, it’s safe to live out your life and die on this good earth! “”

The antique car drives into the setting sun.

Sun.

Screaming.

A cool animation presents a baby being born with a crown and a camera to shoot his screaming mother into silence before his legs exit the vagina…

Darkness.

The screen cracks and shatters into a mirror.

“”Royal Studios presents a Galactically Universal Systemic Picture””

The screen cracks and shatters into a mirror.

Seat belts close on the spectators.

Gas effuses the air.

Enigmatic music plays and mystical light fills the theater.

Spontaneous laughter, titters, erupt.

p2.

In the theater, the chairs detach and float into the air and fly out of a bustling metropolis through seascapes, landscapes to ‘oohs,’ ‘ahhs,’ and cries of, ‘I’m finally flying(!)' and, 'Together together!’

The 3-D experience envelops the crowd. The individual disappears and we seem to race a bird, a train…

CUT TO:

An Actual Train rolls out the back alley of an urban movie theater and into an underground tunnel as a couple of guys walk towards the theater.

Guy #1: “”It’s like this city just emptied.””

Guy #2: “”Dude. It’s a long weekend, Everybody’s gone someplace.””

Guy #1: “”Yeah right – and you’re the only poor person I know.“”

Guy #2: “”Look – '3-D' movie tickets –“”

The guys enter the Movie Theater for the next 3-D presentation.

The Train rolls out of an empty city.

The Train rolls on past throngs of people putting garbage into garbage bags atop garbage dumps the size of stadiums…

The Train rolls on past armies deconstructing suburban sprawl by hand, planting trees, and transporting materials by hand, from hand to hand, for miles.

It’s a small world after all.

The Train rolls by fields of farming Hasidic Jews.

A flying solar powered sail-car flaps by.

The sails transform into floating blankets. A couple of ‘Pirk Officers’ step out of the car to have a helium balloon picnic high in the air. They laugh.

The Train rolls on.

Past Mount Rushmore -

Which collapses under the manual labor of hundreds, thousands, picking away at the mountain with bricks, hammers, elbows, teeth.

Shirtless people on horseback watch on in approval.

p3.

The Train rolls on into the night -

CUT TO :

Gleeful Eyes bulge in the soft glow of a TV.

The Beaming Face of Pirk barely contains laughter.

An undeniably happy Pirk, caped, and further comforted by a caped blanket sits in a large, comfy oversized coach also with a cape, and overstuffed pillows, also caped, alone in the middle of a cavernously large fascist marble room.

The TV is caped.

A butler walks the floor carrying a caped tray.

Pirk violently laughs. He’s watching ‘Charlie Wilson’s War’ with headphones on.

At his feet lie stacks of American DVDs: plastic cups and their liquid remnants are thrown willy nilly to mare the scene.

Pirk’s gyrating laugher dislodges the headphone’s cable.

He notices the butler.

Philip Seymour Hoffman : “”I learned Finnish! Do you have any idea how hard Finnish is?!””

Pirk bursts out laughing again. Pauses the film.

Pirk : These were funny people. Is that your breakfast : “”You seem in-cap-able of finishing it.””

The Butler notices the pun beneath the caped tray.

Butler : “”Nice cap-tion.””

Butler is a young child.

Pirk : Good. You are becoming funny. Serve me now.

Pirk rewinds and receives his Plastic Slurpy Drink.

Pirk: “”He ‘learned’ Finnish…”” funny stuff – how many Americans are left?

Butler: All of them sir.

p5.

Pirk: What? What the hell is everybody doing here – we have a war to fight. Who have we conquered that everyone is left and I wouldn’t know… this might be an enemy worth… “”Are you fucking with me man? “”

“” Got you sir –“”

“” Oh: good one man. ””

Through the window of the foreboding Capital building – the Helvetica hovers.

CUT TO –

A fist thunders down on a humongously large Map of the World, covered with little men and trains and signs like ‘Karthago,’ ‘Old Caledonia,’ ‘Dessertia,’ ‘Romanii,’ ‘Lombardii,’ ‘Abyssinii,’ litter the map and make sense of the Big Board.

Info : And there have been reports of smashing in the sector for Useless Machine Deconstruction.

A herd of petty-officers and news-casters observe Info, Dwarf, Spook, etc. managing the world. Spook consults a notepad to make reports. She’s always spying and jotting something down.

Dwarf: The French?

Spook: The Swiss… In Neder Waterlandia.

Dwarf: Well what are they doing there?

Spook: The French conveys -

Dwarf: How many French are left?

Info: 20million.

Dwarf: Insolvent people!

Spook: They are on their way to China…

Dwarf: Just because the Chinese are on their way to France to -

Spook: - Critique art.

Info: That’s the Japanese. The Chinese are that bridge from Brazil to Africa.

Dwarf: Strong people.

p6.

Dwarf: Still we can’t send all the French to China – they’ll love it – happy to philosophize about mystery and hardship and pain – this is supposed to be hard training! We need super humans to conquer space! What are the French most fearful of?

Spook: “”Happiness?””

…

Info: Overabundant happiness: Optimiso. Enthusiasm. Innocence. Silliness.

Dwarf: Where did we put the Spanish again?

Spook: Iberiananii. Languages: Portugualii, Catellan, Gallego, Basco, Castellano, Ballerina… The Alps! The Corpus Hymalayus’ Human Telephone Yodeling Report is due tomorrow via Sumo wrestler…

Dwarf: Hmm.

Info: 56% still traveling to the loudest, windiest peaks on earth to serve as candle bearers for the lighthouse operators on the lookout for privately held UFOs. Except those from the mountains they’ve already been relocated to the kelp fields.

Dwarf: The remaining French to Spain to validate world news.

Spook: French admiration. French cheerleading. That’ll teach them something.

Dwarf: Where are the Americans?!

Info: The Vulgarii. The moon – Pirk library – 1% complete.

Dwarf: 1%?!

Spook: They started drilling for oil.

Dwarf: On The Moon?! With what?

Info: Eachother.

Dwarf: Selfless people. How are the Germans doing on plugging up the volcanoes?

News Caster: Fantastico!

Dwarf: They do make good people.

Spook: (writing) Too loud Spaniard.

p7.

News Caster: (Fantastico!)

Spook: This Frenchman is still sarcastic – send him back.

News Caster: No! Noooooo!

CUT TO:

Pirk standing tall in front of his fleet of ships among his officers.

Pirk : We don’t serve an emperor – we serve our selves. Sign up, alien. You have a lot to learn.

CUT TO:

Pirk clicking off his TV, in his room of capes.

A director kneels by the caped TV.

Butler, now wearing a tiny cape himself, barely manages to carry a caped midget on a tray.

Pirk: Aliens don’t understand ‘existentialism.’ Troll?

Caped Midget: Yeah but I don’t understand Aliens. And I’d think that was touching if I was a superior Alien race.

Director: Yes! Yes!

Pirk glares.

Director: I mean. No! No! This will surely frighten all aliens in the outer space into collaborating –

Pirk: Confederating!

Director: Confederating! With Pirk’s –

Pirk: - The Pirk’s -

Director: - superior –

Pirk: Oh come on – CUT CUT – we’re recording here - start over.

The Director takes a moment…

p8.

Director: ‘Yes, Yes?’

Pirk: ‘No No!’

Director: ‘No No!’

…

Pirk : Guards! This director doesn’t know his lines…

Guards take away a screaming director.

Pirk : This is all so depressing Troll, Butler. The numbers confirm that we have conquered all of Near Space magnificently, but what if we meet an immaterial alien race?

Troll : Imaginary?

Pirk : No, no, “”immaterial, like ghosts – like in ‘Contact.’””

Butler: “”You’ll wear them out, the Pirk.””

Pirk : I’m serious. This isn’t funny. We must conquer imaginary space if we real people are to stand a chance against imaginary foes.

Troll : If the people knew how much you cared from them the Pirk, they all would be traveling where no Pirk has gone before.

Pirk: That’s It!

-----

Pirk could be a total fraud....

Emperor pirk could have ceased power, not by coming from the future, but was a common homeless man, with some skill in computing, who discovered remains of a ship from the future. he finds some kind of computer which has all the information and schematics for the "kickstart" which wasn't really called the "kickstart" to begin with.... and he also finds out about the REAL captain pirk and decides to impersonate him... but obviously gets some information wrong.. I know ITP was meant to be a parody with no real connection with star trek, but it could explain why Emperor pirk has got all the wording of the systems wrong, e.g. instead of phasers and torpedoes, he calls them twinklers and light balls.

he also discovers 2 people still alive, the plingon dwarf, who only remembers that he is a plingon,..and Info, who's mechanic brain is totally scrambled.. so Pirk uses his basic computing skills to make him work again, which he does, but Info has to fix him self up properly after he is able to....

Then Pirk gets to access Info and reprogram him to only obey him, and gets Info to design his flag ship.

pirk sees that the destroyed ships captain was on a quest of peace and explorations and plans to change that to a quest of finding new world and new civilizations to be conquered.

well the helvetica could be shown as a personal design of Emperor Pirk, and obviously it would have a lot of flaws, but as for the construction of the ship , it would be constructed somewhere where everyone could see, like a desert...