Treatment: Grey Areas

Okay, treatment number three. (And yes, the script for China Doll will be done soon.) This is very much adapted from an idea that was started by Kris S. (see the related shot), but how much of that original idea is still in this I have no clue.

Additionally, I'll be the first to admit that there are probably a few gaps existing in this one; if I'vfe forgotten something, or if something doesn't seem to make sense, please say so. (Additionally, please add your own ideas in separate shots as well.)

Okay, here we go: Grey Areas.

The episode begins with police looking at a body which has floated up from the river. The two detectives notice the body's build, but are then notified that the body was extremely light; they had no trouble lifting it from the river. However, no other forensic evidence was found, and police are curious.

Meanwhile, Jamie hears the news of the murder, and automatically thinks that it is Dr Brand. However, after listening more carefully to the news report, he realises that the knife used was not Brand's psi-knife, but instead a household kitchen knife.

Later that night, in another house in the town, a man is seated in a chair, reading, while another person (who is hidden from the watchers' view) approaches. The seated man states that he knew that the hidden person would arrive, and then the pair fight. After a bit of fighting, the man that was seated starts to glow, which causes the hidden person to leave quickly (still keeping his/her identity hidden). Shortly after he/she leaves, the house explodes (with the assumption that the man inside blew up). Police inspect the house afterwards, but are at a loss as to how the explosion occured, and cannot connect the cases. This gets announced on the news, and Jamie's curiosity is suddenly aroused.

The next morning, a woman runs into the police station, and states that she knows what is happening in the two cases, announcing that she knows how they are connected: the two victims, along with herself and two others, were part of a trial for a 'cancer cure'. However, when the police ask about who else was involved in the trial, she begins to burst into flames (caused by her heightened emotion), and insists everyone out of the interview room, leaving her to burn to death.

Jamie finds Ayn walking home from work, and asks her about the cases. Ayn is reluctant at first to say anything, even saying that "all she knew" was given in the news broadcasts, but eventually a call from the office gives her fresh information: the call is about the woman who burned to death at the police station. Ayn insists that she will be back to the report after she checks in on her housemate, but finds her dead as soon as she walks through the door. Jamie (who has stuck around the entire time) pulls her from the house, and takes her back to his.

At his house, Jamie asks again about the victims. Ayn tells him about their cancer trial connections, revealing that her housemate was also part of the trial. This prompts Jamie to ask whether her housemate had any special skills, citing the fact that the first victim and the woman who approached the police had special abilities (and that the second probably did too); Ayn reveals her housemate could levitate, a skill she didn't possess prior to the trial. Jamie puts two and two together, and realises the nature of the cure: it is mutagenic.

While Jamie and Ayn are talking, the police have found records of a 'failed trial', which includes a list of names; the four deceased are on it, as well as an Astraea Yu. At that point, the police decide that Astraea must be killing them off, and plan a raid on her home.

Ayn recieves a call from her boss, stating that a raid has been planned, and both Ayn and Jamie go to it. When they get there, they find the raid has been executed, with Astraea nowhere to be found, and only a hotel bill left behind. Jamie listens to the information about the bill, and realises that she may be hiding at the hotel. (He tells Ayn of this.)

The pair return to Jamie's home, with Jamie phoning the hotel to make sure Astraea is there. Meanwhile, Ayn investigates the house, and finds Jamie's Human Tank armour, about which she approaches Jamie, who confirms it. She reminds him that the Human Tank is not appreciated by police or media. Jamie simply suggests going to the hotel, with Ayn reluctantly agreeing.

With Jamie in armour, he and Ayn approach the hotel at night, with Jamie entering the room which Astraea is in first. He notices the body of a man on the floor, and Ayn notices Astraea crouched in the corner of the room. When asked by Ayn, Astraea reveals that the man on the floor is the one who ran the trial; after it failed, he began killing off the subjects, to stop the additional results from getting out. Jamie (who has by this time started to remove his armour) asks Astraea how she survived; she reveals her rapidly-healing physiology.

While Astraea is explaining this, Jamie notices the police turn up, and quickly leaves the room with his armour. When the police enter the room, they find Ayn and Astraea, along with the body of the experimentor, and arrest them both. Ayn is able to explain that she was following a story, and her boss is able to support her story; Astraea, on the other hand, is trying unsuccessfully to convince the police that she did not kill the man (as they have no evidence which supports her story: no forensics, and she displays no defefnsive wounds), and she is subsequently charged.

Ayn returns to Jamie, and explains Astraea's predicament, afterwards asking why he left the two of them behind. He explains that he didn't really get a chance to: he had left to hide the armour, and returned after the pair had been arrested and taken to the station. Ayn explains that he at least owes Astraea a visit, which he does. Astraea explains she is going to accept the guilty plea, despite her innocence, and Jamie hopes her the best while she deals with her unfortunately situation, and offers her a place when she gets out.

At the end, there are two slightly disconnected scenes: the first involves Ayn, who is being offered by her boss the opportunity to report on superhuman activities, especially after her run-in with the law in regards to the murders. He especially makes a point of making sure she finds out who the superhumans are. Ayn reluctantly accepts.

The second involves the Police Chief being approached by an unknown person, who offers him some of the same mutagen that was used on Astraea. (We do not see the response.)

Okay, I've introduced in this ep another character, one by the name of Astraea Yu, who has accelerated healing. She formerly suffered from cancer, and she was given an experimental drug which they said may be able to cure cancer. Only Astraea's results showed success (because of the healing factor she eventually gained); the others just gained a different type of power.

I've also added two scenes at the end of this. Epilogues, of sorts. The second one is especially interesting, because it may play a significant role in the future, not to mention that it shows an effect which came about because of the failed trial.

Treatment: China Doll

Okay, guys. I have for you a rough-draft treatment of China Doll. Tell me what you think of it, anything I may have missed, anything I should completely remove...yeah, you know the deal.

Jamie Seward (The Human Tank) notices a life-size porcelain doll in a shop window. It freaks him out a little, but he goes in to the shop and asks the shopkeeper about it. The shopkeeper explains that some people say it has a curse on it, because accidents and deaths have occured while it has been in the house; he, however, doesn't believe it, and nor does Jamie. As Jamie leaves the store, a couple, along with their child, enter the shop, and he looks back to see the doll wink, before being lifted off her pedestal.

Later that night, Jamie is listening to the news, when Ayn (the newscaster) tells of a murder. Thinking that Dr Brand is behind the attack, he runs down to where the attack occured. Blocked by the tape surrounding the house, he notices the daughter being transported into an ambulance with slash marks to her body. He also notices the doll being removed from the house.

The very next day, he goes past the shop, and sees the doll back in the window. She smiles at him, just as a couple lift her off the pedestal, and take her out the door. Thinking the doll may be connected to Alden, Jamie runs in, and asks the shopkeeper where the doll was taken. He gives the address, albeit hesitantly; the address happens to be close by to the shop.

Jamie waits across the road from the house, hoping that Dr Brand will turn up. Instead, police cars and a news crew appear, and Jamie runs over to see what has happened. He manages to get from Ayn (although she hasn't been told very much herself) that a murder has occured, and that the culprit was both prepared and knew his victims, given that there was no fingerprints, not even on the murder weapon, nor any sign of forced entry. At that point, he sees two bodybags come out, and realises the couple have in fact been murdered. He asks Ayn if there was a life-size doll inside, to which she responds that didn't. Jamie then tells Ayn that no-one had entered the house, and disappears, leaving Ayn confused.

Jamie, having now put on his armour, gets back to the shop which sold the doll, knowing that it'll end back up there, and notices that the door has been unlocked. He goes in, and finds the shopkeeper dead on the floor. He then hears a noise and goes down to investigate, and finds the doll, standing upright. He tries to reason for it to "take off its mask"; it's then Jamie realises that the doll is not only human (she introduces herself as China Doll), but also suffers from a mutation which has made her skin harden to something similar to percelain, and the bones at her joints grow to a point where she can only jerk her limbs. Jamie asks why she hurt and killed all of those people, and especially the shopkeeper upstairs; she responds to the latter claim by saying the man was her father, and she killed to get back to, and at, him. When he didn't want anything to do with her, she killed him, "and now, since you know my secret, I'm going to have to kill you too." The statement causes them both to fight, which in turn causes him to break her porcelain skin. The break reveals something else about her nature: below her skin exists a furnace of dark energy, which she uses to defeat him. She then finds some porcelain glue to patch herself up with, and walks out of the shop into police, who arrest her.

Jamie, however, has slipped out the back. He lifts up a panel in the arm, revealing a small mobile phone-like device. He then moves off, keeping himself out of sight.

The next night, Jamie is downstairs in Daskalov's old lab, working on a small device, when he hears something upstairs. He goes up, and finds China standing in the broken-in doorway. When he asks why she isn't in jail, she tells him that still has fingerprints; he then remembers the dark energy under her skin. She then states that she knows something about him "that no-one else does"; now, because they know each others' secrets, Jamie won't kill her, but insists that she leaves and not come back. As she does leave, she tells Jamie that she is glad her father kept her out of the world, as she doesn't wnat to know "the type of things people would do if they knew."

Jamie goes back down to the lab, and back to the device, which he connects to a lightbulb. He spins it slightly, and it activates, causing the lightbulb to glow. Jamie then smiles.

Okay, just so you guys are familiar, I am bringing in another character, the eponymous China Doll. Now, as I said in the treatment, she is a mutant with alabaster-coloured, porcelain-like skin, and extensions to her skeletal structure which prevent her from properly moving her arms and legs, limiting them to 'jerks'. Additionally, she has a furnace of dark energy underneath her skin.
China's backstory: she was homeschooled until she was twelve, which is when the first signs of her present condition began to manifest. Her father, ashamed of her, left for another town, and changed his name, leaving her in the care of her mother. It's possible she may have a kind of Electra complex, as she continuously seeks her father's approval of her (which he denies her, given that he keeps selling her out as a doll, hoping she will not return, which she always does). When her mother could no longer take care of her, she sent her to her father, who, still ashamed of her, continuously tried to sell her off.

More story ideas

Okay, I have a couple more ideas ready to go.
The first story involves Seward meeting a villain called China Doll, who is a bit unique in terms of her abilities. I'll have the treatment for that up in a moment.
The second is Kris S.'s idea (as you can see in the thread "Grey areas"), involving Seward and a murderer who may not be entirely villainous on closer inspection. I'll put the treatment in that thread when I have written it.
Any more ideas, just put them here as a reply, or in a separate shot. I'll take any ideas that sound good.

Grey areas

Just off the top of my head:

Have a story pretty much like the origin story, but after the hero gives out "justice" he finds that the situation isn't that simple.

The person who was murdered was a hardened criminal who was terrorising innocent people, and the murder was an attempt to end the terror.

The hero has to question what exactly justice is, and finds himself paralysed because he is now unsure whether his actions make society better or not.

Treatment: Origin

Okay, here we go, a treatment for the first story. (We must remember that, due to the nature of the series, this would be separated across multiple webisodes.)

Jamie Seward is simply an average, albeit slightly autistic (as in, mild Asperger's), twenty-something, who lives next door to a Material Sciences professor, Zeki Daskalov, who entertains and feeds Seward's enthusiasm and interest in the material sciences. Daskalov has a large basement-level home laboratory which he sometimes uses; this also doubles as a classroom of sorts for his teaching of Seward.
During one of Seward's visits, he comes down to the basement lab to overhear Daskalov arguing with another person. It's dark, and he doesn't hear a name, but he does hear the other person's voice, and the argument is punctuated by a stabbing sound, which force him to leave the house in shock.
He sees the police try to piece together the crime, but without a usable witness statement, and no recognisable weapon (the blade was shaped weirdly, making tracing the weapon virtually impossible), they are at a stalemate. So Seward decides to use his knowledge of material sciences, as well as Daskalov's expansive material and written resources, he creates an exoskeleton, consisting of a titanium full body armour, with tungsten carbide toes and knuckles in the boots and gloves (respectively), aggregated diamond nanorod claws, and a visor made of borosilicate glass infused with a tungsten micromesh and gilded using translucent leaf; along with an underarmour suit made from carbon nanotube sheets.
However, being naive to the entire concept of superheroism, he is completely unsure as to where to start, and begins simply scouring the streets, hoping to simply "run into" Daskalov's murderer. Instead, he comes across a pair of men who are trying to beat a woman. He threatens them, but they have trouble taking him seriously, and one sets on him; Seward swiftly deals with his first attacker, and moves towards the next one, who runs away. The woman collects her things from the ground, and gives him a shaky and slightly fearful "thank you", before running off herself. As Seward turns around, he notices someone filming on a cameraphone, with a look of awe and fear mixed together; Seward swears and runs off.
His being filmed has consequences: the clip makes it to a news station, who dub him "the Human Tank", but the clip is followed by a statement by a Police Superintendant, who labels his actions as a "random act of vigilantism." (We actually see beforehand a small clip of the Superintendant and a PA discussing the clip after a copy is provided to them for comment; the pair have differing views on his actions.) Seward then realises he needs to keep a lower profile as "the Human Tank".
The next day, Seward is sitting at a cafe, as he overhears the comments about "the Human Tank": some are thankful for his actions, others voice their objections. Amidst the comments, he hears a voice he recognises--the voice of the murderer. A reporter who turns up and greets him provides him with a name: Dr Alden Brand. A little bit of searching reveals to Jamie more about Dr Brand's whereabouts, and he plans his means of serving justice.
He arrives at Dr Brand's house late at night, and confronts the tired doctor (after he is rudely awaken by a crash caused by Seward's entry) about his actions. Since Alden cannot see his face (due to the full-face helmet), he is unable to recognise who it is, or that he was there on the night of the murder, so his confession is initially vague. However, Jamie begins to intimidate Dr Brand into confessing, which he does, but with a smirk on his face, as the police arrive at his door. (We find out he called the police when he heard the breaking.) Jamie runs out of the house, and into a dark alley behind the house, getting far enough so he can shed the armour and hide it before the police find him. When they question him about the Human Tank's whereabouts, he shrugs, stating he hadn't seen him.
The final scene has Jamie sitting in the laboratory in Daskalov's house, looking at a will which states the house and lab belong to him, along with a newspaper cutting about Daskalov's murder. He then states he "need[s] to be better".

Feel free to leave a comment about this treatment; I will start writing a script for this tomorrow morning, so all suggestions will be helpful.

Motivations and story

While I'll be quick to say this seems like a quickly hashed out idea with a lack of inspiration, I'll also be the first to say that rough drafts are just that for a reason, "rough". I don't know if the ideas you threw out were intended to be final or not, but constantly refining a story leaves a polished final product.

Thus, I shall add my two cents.

While witnessing a crime is scarring to most, many aren't driven to super-hero levels of intervention. Consequently, having a connection with the victim will cause him to pursue the killer. Girlfriends and wives are usually cliche. It could be expanded to, say, a neighbor Seward had feelings for but were never actually noticed or acknowledged by his female counterpart. Developing an emotional connection between the two of them for a good portion of the first episode or whatever it is you're trying to accomplish, that way people can connect with the dilemma.

Secondly, nobody can just build a suit of armor and buying a medieval knights armor is bulky and would be ridiculous. Giving the character credibility in his endeavor goes a long way with story telling. Maybe he is an accomplished chemist, or maybe just even a half-assed chemist who is still working on a post-grad degree in Material Sciences. Carbon nano-tubing is a great premise for a suit, it's still in the stages of trying to be produced on a large scale. It's lightweight, durable...and some other stuff (wikipedia knows way more than I do).

Also, I'm kind of hoping you're not dead set on "the murderer". Seems kind of like a cop-out. Instead it would be better if the only defining characteristic Seward saw was a tattoo, or a scar, or something wrong with his eyes and give him a catchy name based off of it.

By putting the man on trial you're making it easier for Seward to find him and track him down since he has a name, a face and a criminal record to work from. Make him fight his way villain by villain to get more clues to the killers identity. If you want a side-arc to the story, you could always have an innocent man arrested for the crime who seems overwhelmingly guilty, but Seward is the only one who knows he didn't do it and can try and free him in the process.

Sorry, that was excessive. Ignore it all or take it all you have the creative license my friend. I just love running with ideas.

Possible Support Characters/Villains

Just to help out a little, I'll just add a couple of ideas as a starting point in regards to characters:

The first I have in mind is the first main villain Seward/Human Tank will cross, and that's The Murderer (explained above; I have no other name for him/her). Jamie witnesses the Murderer commit his crime, and subsequently walk free, and ultimately wants to make sure he serves justice.

Another is a supporting character called Flashback, a retrocognitive medium, who views past events by tapping into "spiritual residues", which she can replay as illusions, either to herself or others.