...Russia's Tsar Vladimir Putin threatens to cut-off European gas supplies if NASA refuses to purchase more Soyuz slots to the International Space Station. The US Congress debates emergency bill to extend Shuttle retirement by another 10 years.
...Norway refuses to return the Swedish Gripen fighters it secretly borrowed to make up for the delay in construction of F-35 Joint Strike Fighters. The British offer of Eurofighters, recently mothballed after the last pilot resigned from the RAF, is rejected by the Norwegians as the UK version is not equipped with guns. "Too expensive to hunt Polar Bears with missiles".
...There have been widespread condemnation in Latvia and Lithuania of the annexation of Estonia by Finland. "How dare they only take one without the 2 others?"
...Record opium harvest reported in Afganistan. "Mission almost accomplished, we can see full withdrawal of NATO forces in 5 years. Will free up enough troops to help solve the Iraqi problem".
...There have been no communications with the group of top North Korean officials and generals, including the Supreme Leader, observing an underground nuclear test. The USGS believes the test may have actually been successful this time. "Third time lucky".
...The International Maritime Organization declined the offer from RIAA and MPAA to help fight the Gulf of Aden pirates by disconnecting them from the Internet. "We understand their desire to disconnect at least somebody from the Internet but we prefer more traditional means".
...German Government rejects accusations of space piracy after mysterious disappearance of a Japanese lunar satellite. "We swear we heard German speech on the radio just before the signal cut off. We know German speech when we hear one - we were allies once".
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