Zombie Proof household undone by skeptic roommate

May Horst - Minneapolis, MN, USA

An area household famously marketed as “Zombie Proof” has fallen victim to the latest living dead outbreak in Eastern Minnesota.

The 3-person apartment was recently renovated with zombie apocalypse in mind, and faced good natured ridicule until re-animated corpses started to appear out of nowhere.

As other area residents fled in terror, the general concensus was that the "Fortress of Madison Avenue" would be among the last to fall.

But this tragedy is proving to be a chilling reminder, that being zombie proof doesn't equal foolproof.

24-year old college dropout Jason Woyak was the sole survivor, and identified the victims as 23-year olds Alex Linny and Ian Backwoods.

Woyak, who escaped by using the standard “attach chainsaw to your hand stump” -technique, put the blame squarely on Backwoods, the latest roommate to move in.

“We stressed in the ad that we wanted a zombie smart roommate to join us two corpse killin’ bad boys”, Woyak exclaimed.

“And what does that fool do? He asks the hot cheerleader neighbor of ours to come over for a “friendly drink”, and leaves the bloody front door open for her. Sure, in his date came – as a brain-eatin' monster bitch!”

Linny, who lost his cat, life and both hands in the incident was last seen pounding the barred doors of a local church with his head, but could not be reached for comment.

Woyak still can’t believe he didn’t detect that his roommate was a zombie skeptic. He could find little sympathy for Backwoods, whom Truth Today's reporter found stuck to a broken fence by his entrails:

“We build this impenetrable fortress for him, and he screws it up in hopes of getting laid. What went into his head!?”

“Braaaaaaains!!!”, admitted Backwoods, who was still holding a pack of condoms in his remaining hand at the time of the interview.

Woyak explained that household rules were drafted to ensure resident safety, including a Know Where Your Baseball Bat Is -instruction manual, a “never shower with the curtain closed” –policy, and an explicit ban of holding parties since, in Woyak's words “large raucous events generally attract zombies”.

Roommates were encouraged to practice Zombido martial arts utilizing bathroom sinks, hot flat-irons and other improvised objects. Woyak also organized “In The Head, Idiot!” –themed field trips to the local shooting range.

The construction of zombie proof housing has been on exponential rise across the nation ever since George Romero came along. A niche market has also grown for natural disaster proof airplanes nicknamed “Emmerich Escape Vehicles”, and for Space Nazi proof shelters.

(This is inspired by a real rental ad in a Wisconsin newspaper: http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/hnp/roo/1796400462.html)