FIFA unveils rule changes for World Cup 2018: penalty shoot-out replaced by karaoke contest

Following disastrous ticket sales and dwindling television audiences for the 2014 World Cup, FIFA has announced a raft of rule changes designed to maximise public interest in the upcoming 2018 tournament.

"We know some of these suggestions may seem a little radical," said a FIFA spokesperson "But really we have no choice. TV audiences just aren't there, and without them the money will drain out of the game. However, we can assure fans that we have remained faithful to the essence of what makes football great."

Rule changes include:

-Penalty shoot-outs to be replaced by karaoke contest featuring Sir Simon Cowell.

-Extra balls thrown on after every ten minutes without a goal.

-Players to have Formula 1-style telemetry cameras embedded in their foreheads.

-Centre circle to incorporate 10 metre trampoline.

-Goalkeepers to be armed with tranquiliser guns.

-Wolves to be released onto pitch during extra time.

The Truth Today interviewed a viewer panel to ask them if they would be more likely watch the World Cup after the rule changes. "Sure!" said one enthusiastic respondent "As long as it has dancing squirrels, like YouTube does."