Germans mark 100th Anniversary of First Great Struggle with Cold Stares

Ben Tennenbaum,
European Correspondent for the Associated Press
Kehl, Germany
Today marks the One Hundredth Anniversary of Germany's failed attempt at World Conquest. To commemorate such an auspicious occasion, the mayor of Kehl, Germany, the neighbor city of Strasbourg, France, has arranged a midnight staring mass at the French.
Following the German defeat with the signing of the Treaty of Versailles, Germany has always born a grudge against their French neighbor. Not only were the reparations paid out by Germany not enough, but the French had to instigate the German peoples to revolt once more in Germany's glorious second attempt at World Conquest.
Such an occasion was marked by a national holiday across the German Republic with a general defacing of French and British monuments. In Berlin alone, seven French-cuisine restaurants had their front windows smashed. In response to this outburst of anarchy, the French gladly gave up their property as a sign of good will.
Herr Otto Schulmann, the owner of a German restaurant who annexed his French neighbor thought rather positively of his recent acquisitions, "My previous tenet to my left was such a unwise businessman. All he would do was gloat about how his business was so much better than mine. So, in the German spirit, I silenced, I mean, I bought out his restaurant. Today, I have served more than one thousand patriotic German citizens in preparation for our midnight mass,"
Moreover, the British restaurateurs of the town turned to the local McDonalds for the necessary supplies to last such a harsh struggle. The local manager of the Kehl McDonalds was seen packing up crates of beef and cheese to ship to local British restaurants in an effort to whether the day.
The trains flooded the tiny city as the crowds all massed in the city square in preparation for the nights festivities. At approximately 23:59, local standard time, the German citizens extinguished all lights from the city, except for two large spotlights, which were trained across the French boarder. For one minute, no German uttered a single word and solely stared at the French town.
At midnight, the staring stopped and the spotlights were extinguished, ending the festivities.
However, the town has more plans in store. As the Kehl mayor, Günther Petry, commented, “We are looking forward to 2039, when we shall celebrate the start of our Second whack at European politics. Big plans are in store, involving a massive pyrotechnics show, the likes of which the French shall never forget, not at least for six years,”

(for photo, have a mass of people in total darkness staring)